Kevin O, 51 from Houston, Texas was quite popular with my readers. His responses were often long and thoughtful. He was fair but not soft on the guys. Here is what he had to say about how difficult it is for men to be faithful at various ages…

This depends on three factors:
1) How much experience he had in his teens and twenties
2) How much he is in touch with the cost of infidelity
3) And how aware he is of the steps that get him into trouble

Rosie’s (55, Nashville, TN) response may not be as eloquent, but she and Kevin clearly share a common viewpoint on the subject:

Not a problem for someone who has his feet on the ground and some sense in his head.

Do you agree with Kevin and Rosie?  Or do you have a whole different take on the subject?

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It’s only natural that the sequel to What Could You Possibly Be Thinking?!!  How ordinary people answered your questions about love, dating, and relationships, would be a compilation of the secrets of the happily married.

So I’m looking for contributors to What Could They Possibly Be Thinking?!!  What you need to learn from the happily married couple down the block.

If you and your spouse or another happily married couple (for at least 5 years) that you know would be willing to respond to an anonymous – yes even anonymous to each other! – online 30 question survey, please contact me at kat@katquest.com.

You can forward this link to anyone you think would be interested or use the links to social networking sites below.

We’re dying to hear how they make it work!

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While some of the women who responded to this question in What Could You Possibly Be Thinking?!! thought male fidelity wasn’t an problem, most agreed with this anthropological response:

It is never easy for a man to stay faithful, no matter what his age. His job in life is to propagate the race. Monogamy is the abomination. Donna, 48

Some viewed fidelity as a male and female challenge.  Sound like the voice of experience?

It is difficult for anyone to stay faithful…  There are many beautiful, young women out there who value experienced men, are aggressive, don’t take a guilt trip about sleeping with another woman’s husband, and just want to have fun.

And, older women can become enraptured with young men.  Everyone who is “out” can find opportunity if they are looking.  And unless they are dead, they are usually looking. Michelle, 60

But the men, for the most part, just didn’t see fidelity as a problem!

Not difficult. Patrick, 38

Not difficult at all.  Either monogamy is important to a guy or it’s not. Joe, 32

Piece of cake. Jonathan, 30

If you and your partner choose to focus on growing together, then it is not difficult. James, 35

Clearly some women have bought into a hoax – a hoax that their man is making the supreme sacrifice to stay faithful.


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of nice but not extraordinary looks, adequate but not extravagant income, amiable but not a famous personality, to stay faithful in his 30’s? 40’s? 50’s?

The answers to this question were the most surprising gender-wise of all the ones I asked in my book.

What do you think? I’m especially curious as to how your gender and the man’s age, looks, or income impact your response.

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which relationship would you put your money on – one where the couple has mutual interests but very different perspectives?  Or on the couple with few mutual interests but similar perspectives?

Frank, 61, wins the contest for the best answer to this one, “Find someone with mutual interests AND similar perspectives”.  But I’m not letting you off that easy!  If you had to choose, which would it be and why?

Be sure to follow me on Twitter at katkatquest to see more of the responses I gathered in my book!

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It just occurred to me that electronics play an important role in the dating world.  And, no, I’m not talking about that kind of electronics!  I’m talking about the telephone.  This is our second question and it also revolves around a man calling.  This time, though it’s a happier situation.  It’s the first time the couple have had sex.

While a lot of people agreed with Esther that he should at least stay the night, assuming the “event” took place at a traditional time, most women and men said the next day was the right time to call.

I believe the next day is appropriate, though many guys will wait for fear of being too pushy. Jamie, 27

I’ll bet Kristin, 28, isn’t the only one who has had “after-afterglow” concerns:

One hour after he leaves; that’s enough time for all of the questions to start rolling in.

I thought I was ahead of the curve on the feminist thing, but this response, and similar responses from the women, surprised me:

I don’t like this question because it assumes that it is the guy’s responsibility to call.  In this day and age, that is a shared responsibility in my book. James, 35

On the other hand, we are forced to admit aren’t we, that in today’s world, sex isn’t always accompanied by romance?

If the two meet in a bar and the first “encounter” is fueled by a dense cloud of booze, he should still make the call the next day, providing he bothered to get the phone number, of course.  In that scenario, the question really is, does he ever call? Jonathan, 30

Gals, would you call him?  Guys, would you expect a woman to call you?

Assuming the ball is the guy’s court, what is his next best move? Should he worry about being considered pushy or, even worse, needy if he calls sooner?  Is this a situation where texting is the safest bet?

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when (hours, days, weeks, or months later) should he call her?

This question drew my favorite response of the hundreds I gathered for my compilation of relationship advice, What Could You Possibly Be Thinking?!! Esther F, President and CEO from Houston Texas, asked, instead of answered, “Call her?  Isn’t he still there?”

How would YOU answer this question?


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