#1 Questions about Love? You Ask, We Answer.

30Aug09

We’re here for you!  Yes, you. The way I see it you have problems with your love life and need answers.  Or you have it all figured out –  which is terrific by the way! – and can help others who will send their questions in for you to answer.  Either way it’s all about you.  The rest of us are just here to make it happen.

Bring us your questions about love, dating, relationships, marriage, getting over someone, divorce, whatever is keeping you from having the love life you deserve, and we’ll weigh in.  We may not always be right.  You’ll be the final decision- maker in any case.  But we will give it our best shot.  And with a whole community of visitors acting as your panel of experts, there will be plenty of experience to go around.

Hey, it’s better than you were doing on your own, right?

To prime the pump these first few weeks, we’ll start with some of the questions and responses I gathered for my recently published book, but first I thought you might want to know how it all got started…

Interviewer: Hi, Kat, you’re not a therapist, are you?  How did you come to write this book?

Kat: No, I’m definitely not a therapist. I’m just single, dating, and very curious about what the opposite sex is thinking.

Here’s how it happened.  One night some friends and I were at a restaurant dishing about relationships, per usual.  The restaurant had these fabulous watermelon mojitos, so we got kind of rowdy.  Next thing we know, the waiters and people at the next table were joining in.  When he doesn’t call?  What’s up when they live together and never marry? Do nice guys finish last?  Everyone had an opinion.

That got me started.  Why DO gals do that?  Why DO guys do that?  I wasn’t thinking about a book; I wanted to know for me.  I hadn’t been lucky in love.  Neither had many of my friends.  Maybe that would change if we knew more.

So I sent a survey to this huge network I had created from a national job search.  They sent them on to a lot of other people, who sent them on to their friends across the country, and even into Canada.  What I got back was so real and so off the wall, I mean no filters whatsoever!   I thought it would be fun to compile them and share them with others. 

Interviewer: So it includes these hundreds of survey responses?

Kat: Yes, plus input from a number of random people, a couple of alter ego characters I created and some comments from me.  My curiosity had kind of morphed into obsession.  I started asking strangers totally inappropriate questions.  I got so bold that friends started refusing to go places with me.

Interviewer: Do people read it for entertainment or do they really expect useful advice?

Kat: Both.  The test marketing results told me that that people found the opinions useful as a reality check in their dating.  At first I wasn’t sure myself what to think of what we had.

Then, right after the book went to the publisher, I started dating again myself, online dating actually.  And I would hear these opinions echoing in my ears.  Like when I personally experienced the exact scenario I described in the first question.  Great date, finally a winner, but he never calls, drops off the face of the earth.  Then, two months later he calls for a date out of the blue as if it’s the next day.  Before I wrote the book I would have said, “Sure” and been his “second string” for months before I caught on.  But instead I said “No” politely with no excuse.  I could tell that he really respected me for it.  Looking back, it was absolutely the right decision. 

Interviewer: How can we trust that the answers in your book are representative of the American population?

Kat: Oh, there was absolutely no attempt on my part to do that.  And my readers know that.  It’s simply a compilation of what a lot of people thought about a lot of questions – a sincere attempt to supply kneepads and helmets for those who are navigating the obstacle course we call relationships.

Experts are very helpful, but people want to know right now what that charming person in the apartment down the hall or the cute guy or gal at the Gap might be thinking.  And that’s who is doing the talking here.

Interviewer: Do you have any personal favorites to share with us?

Kat: My all time personal favorite is Esther’s response to the question “When should the guy call the girl after the first time they have sex?”  Esther says “Call?  Isn’t he still there?”  Love that one.

Interviewer: Have there been any surprises along the way?

Kat: Oh, yes!  The guys often said what I would have expected from the women and vice versa.  And I was surprised at the deal breakers men and women selected.

And I learned that timing is a big factor in a lot of male/female interactions.

And, most importantly, while it’s entertaining, and yes helpful, to read what others are thinking, the person whose thoughts we really need to know, we really, really do need to know, is what our special person is thinking.  If I can help readers achieve that, then together we will have taken one small step for domestic peace.

Interviewer: So does this mean you plan to write more books like this one?

Kat: Absolutely, I’m having too much fun to stop now.   I’m wondering what the happily married couple down the street has to say about how they make it work.

So long as people will give me answers, I’ll keep asking questions!

By the way, you’re married.  Would you describe your marriage as unhappy, moderately happy, or very happy?

Interviewer: Uh, well that’s kind of personal.  Uh… fade out.

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2 Responses to “#1 Questions about Love? You Ask, We Answer.”

  1. 1 Jill

    So insightful… but not shrink-ey insightful, it’s like you have a really great girlfriend who’s been around the block and knows the score. The author’s done the research and she knows the score. Really fun read, and full of juicy tidbits and great information.


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