According to Neosoul06, guys are not the only ones leaving false impressions after seemingly successful dates:

Greetings,

Before I begin, let me state that I only speak for myself; I do not speak on behalf of all men.

The question is asked, why a man doesn’t call back after the first date? Actually, it has already been stated that we don’t know what happened during this particular date. Maybe, the guy was not interested after he had the date or maybe he actually tried to call but the woman played the “I don’t want to seem too available” game. She decided not to answer the phone and he threw her number away. Then after she thought about it and figured that he was probably a good guy, it was too late. There could be a variety of scenarios as to why this guy did not call this particular woman back.

Since this seems to be only about the guy as to why he did not call the woman back, is this saying that it does not happen to men also? A guy meets a woman, they have great conversation, they exchange numbers, he calls her, has to leave a message and she never calls back. He makes an attempt to ask why she never returned his call and then he looks crazy and is the talk of the water cooler on Monday morning. Let’s not point the finger one way because this is definitely a two way street. Maybe he should have told her he was not interested but would a woman do the same thing? Or would she just hope he “fades to black?” Meaning, he “gets the hint” after she does not answer any of his calls.

In closing, I know the question is why didn’t he call her back? I will agree with a portion of the responses, mainly stating that if the guy is not feeling the woman, her conversation or the way she looks, he should respectfully just let her know that he only wants to be friends. But if that is what you want men to do, maybe women should start looking in the mirror and doing the same. Respect does go both ways you have to give it to get it.

Just my thoughts.

NEOSOUL

Is anyone out there telling it like it is?


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M. Hill, author of The Ones That Got Away: A Dating Memoir, a really fun book, do check it out,  had this to say about the guy who says he’ll call, and actually he does, but two months later:

First off, unless you’ve actually surveyed neutral observers about how a date went, you really won’t know anything other than your own interpretation.  Our ‘feelings’ have such little bearing on reality. [author’s note:  busted…]

Now for the meat-and-potatoes: When a guy says that he will call you and he doesn’t, it simply means that you’ve been out with a non-confrontational guy who would rather end the date with some easy getaway (for him) than be forthright. Honestly, what do these spineless guys think will happen if they just walk away? Do they really think that women will drop to the ground, grab hold of their ankles and beg them not to leave? Why is it that women don’t typically have the same over-inflated opinions of themselves?

And, if he does decide to call in a couple of months, remind him that ‘if you snooze, you lose’ and tell him to lose your number. You’re worth more than some guy who decides, 8 weeks after a date with you, he’ll grace you with another opportunity to see him. There’s something going on there and you should have no part in it. I’m sure you’d would draw the same conclusion yourself after date #2, anyway.

That’s what I think, but then again, I may be a little jaded on the subject.  You wouldn’t even believe what I went through with a blind date I had years ago because of this – see Chapter 7 of my book for the complete story.

Sounds like the voice of experience…


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I asked a whole lot of people about the seemingly great date who drops off the face of the earth only to re-appear in a couple of months.  I expected it from the gals, but even the guys who contributed their opinions had little compassion for the “promise and poop out” dater.

And the call two months later?  Forget about it.  These guys are not much for second chances.

By the way, online daters tell me this is a gender-neutral issue, that women will totally lead men to believe they would like to see them again, but drop out of sight immediately after the first date.  And yes, when the rich guy turns out to be older than Hefner, these same women will also attempt to re-connect.

Maybe in the end, though, it’s a lot more about timing than two-timing.  Just because it’s a hobby of yours, falling in love at first sight isn’t for everyone.

Here’s what some of them had to say:

One thing is for sure.  He is not going to pursue the relationship and is afraid of being direct about it. Patrick, 38

“I’ll call you” from a guy is a cut and dried way to end the date.  It leaves all his options open and makes him feel in control. Cynthia, 43

But Patty, 49, with presumably more life experience and definitely more chutzpah than the average woman, had a whole different take on the matter: He means it’s a great date.  That’s it.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.  He probably did have good intentions and got unfocused.  And the woman did not make any connection during the ensuing two months either, I presume!  Shame, shame, ladies.  You want him, go get him!

And Mysticdiva tweets: Probably that he is an idiot. Or afraid. Or who knows.

What’s your take on the situation? 



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at the end of (what a neutral observer of either gender would classify as) a “great date”, that he will call the next day and is never heard from again?

Or calls two months later with a “weenie” reason for waiting so long?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.    Then we’ll take a look at what the ordinary people I asked had to say in answer to this question…

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We’re here for you!  Yes, you. The way I see it you have problems with your love life and need answers.  Or you have it all figured out –  which is terrific by the way! – and can help others who will send their questions in for you to answer.  Either way it’s all about you.  The rest of us are just here to make it happen.

Bring us your questions about love, dating, relationships, marriage, getting over someone, divorce, whatever is keeping you from having the love life you deserve, and we’ll weigh in.  We may not always be right.  You’ll be the final decision- maker in any case.  But we will give it our best shot.  And with a whole community of visitors acting as your panel of experts, there will be plenty of experience to go around.

Hey, it’s better than you were doing on your own, right?

To prime the pump these first few weeks, we’ll start with some of the questions and responses I gathered for my recently published book, but first I thought you might want to know how it all got started…

Interviewer: Hi, Kat, you’re not a therapist, are you?  How did you come to write this book?

Kat: No, I’m definitely not a therapist. I’m just single, dating, and very curious about what the opposite sex is thinking.

Here’s how it happened.  One night some friends and I were at a restaurant dishing about relationships, per usual.  The restaurant had these fabulous watermelon mojitos, so we got kind of rowdy.  Next thing we know, the waiters and people at the next table were joining in.  When he doesn’t call?  What’s up when they live together and never marry? Do nice guys finish last?  Everyone had an opinion.

That got me started.  Why DO gals do that?  Why DO guys do that?  I wasn’t thinking about a book; I wanted to know for me.  I hadn’t been lucky in love.  Neither had many of my friends.  Maybe that would change if we knew more.

So I sent a survey to this huge network I had created from a national job search.  They sent them on to a lot of other people, who sent them on to their friends across the country, and even into Canada.  What I got back was so real and so off the wall, I mean no filters whatsoever!   I thought it would be fun to compile them and share them with others. 

Interviewer: So it includes these hundreds of survey responses?

Kat: Yes, plus input from a number of random people, a couple of alter ego characters I created and some comments from me.  My curiosity had kind of morphed into obsession.  I started asking strangers totally inappropriate questions.  I got so bold that friends started refusing to go places with me.

Interviewer: Do people read it for entertainment or do they really expect useful advice?

Kat: Both.  The test marketing results told me that that people found the opinions useful as a reality check in their dating.  At first I wasn’t sure myself what to think of what we had.

Then, right after the book went to the publisher, I started dating again myself, online dating actually.  And I would hear these opinions echoing in my ears.  Like when I personally experienced the exact scenario I described in the first question.  Great date, finally a winner, but he never calls, drops off the face of the earth.  Then, two months later he calls for a date out of the blue as if it’s the next day.  Before I wrote the book I would have said, “Sure” and been his “second string” for months before I caught on.  But instead I said “No” politely with no excuse.  I could tell that he really respected me for it.  Looking back, it was absolutely the right decision. 

Interviewer: How can we trust that the answers in your book are representative of the American population?

Kat: Oh, there was absolutely no attempt on my part to do that.  And my readers know that.  It’s simply a compilation of what a lot of people thought about a lot of questions – a sincere attempt to supply kneepads and helmets for those who are navigating the obstacle course we call relationships.

Experts are very helpful, but people want to know right now what that charming person in the apartment down the hall or the cute guy or gal at the Gap might be thinking.  And that’s who is doing the talking here.

Interviewer: Do you have any personal favorites to share with us?

Kat: My all time personal favorite is Esther’s response to the question “When should the guy call the girl after the first time they have sex?”  Esther says “Call?  Isn’t he still there?”  Love that one.

Interviewer: Have there been any surprises along the way?

Kat: Oh, yes!  The guys often said what I would have expected from the women and vice versa.  And I was surprised at the deal breakers men and women selected.

And I learned that timing is a big factor in a lot of male/female interactions.

And, most importantly, while it’s entertaining, and yes helpful, to read what others are thinking, the person whose thoughts we really need to know, we really, really do need to know, is what our special person is thinking.  If I can help readers achieve that, then together we will have taken one small step for domestic peace.

Interviewer: So does this mean you plan to write more books like this one?

Kat: Absolutely, I’m having too much fun to stop now.   I’m wondering what the happily married couple down the street has to say about how they make it work.

So long as people will give me answers, I’ll keep asking questions!

By the way, you’re married.  Would you describe your marriage as unhappy, moderately happy, or very happy?

Interviewer: Uh, well that’s kind of personal.  Uh… fade out.

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